So I feel like I have a lot to say but not the words to say them. I guess I could start with what President Topham said in my last interview with him on Friday. Among the doctrinal and logistical questions I asked about everyday missionary work, it came to me that I should ask him how I could stay strong for these last couple of months of my mission. His answer was not profound or obscure but definitely what I needed to hear. He said, "continue to focus on the work and continue to focus on training your companion." Truly as I am to lose myself is when I will find myself. There's been a problem for some reason that some missionaries lose their vigor and momentum as the last grains of sand begin to fall, which I guess is understandable in a kind of "I've done my two years" bit, but it is not understandable in light of Elder Holland's most recent talk; that despite going home, despite living life, despite being in the world, we are never released from our callings. "Peter," he said in a similar MTC address, "you can't go home...We can't quit and we can't go back." President Topham said that missionaries go one of two ways at the end; either they become a real problem in influencing other missionaries and the work in a negative way, or they can become the best missionaries they'll ever be, "the kind of missionary,"President continued, "that I don't want to send home."
As the mission has progressed in the last 21 months, I would argue that the mission - as a whole - has become more aware and more converted to the Gospel of Jesus Christ. President said when he was being trained in the MTC, that returned missionaries told him that once their mission president "got it" they all started to "get it." I didn't know what that meant at first, but I am willing to bet that as President Topham has grown, we as missionaries in the PPM have grown in a like manner. "It" seems to be (to me, anyways) the Gospel of Jesus Christ itself. Once we realize that missionary work really isn't about tracting or street contacting, or prophets or even the Book of Mormon, but about the Gospel of Jesus Christ, everything else falls into place. The Restoration doesn't mean anything without it, the Plan of Salvation revolves around it, and all the meetings, callings, commandments and scriptures are appendages to the doctrine of faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, repentance, baptism, receiving the Gift of the Holy Ghost, and enduring to the end; becoming cleansed through the Atonement of the Saviour through His grace and mercy, if we but accept it.
With this in mind, I don't become as discouraged, especially when trials that impact my "numbers," I need only realize the real purpose of missionary work. Such proved to be the case this week. By Tuesday, it seemed that we had 3 investigators with a baptismal date within the next transfer. But as it always does, opposition presented itself and the choice to arise or shrink came to those three investigators. Mitchell - a good friend of an active family in our ward has been taking the missionary discussions for about a year now and has wanted to get baptized despite his parents' hesitation toward the matter (sound familiar?). When we presented a sort of ultimatum, we asked him to ask his parents what their opinion was on him getting baptized on the 16th of February would be. Unfortunately they preferred him to wait a lot longer than that. On top of that, we hadn't been in contact with Marty and Donna almost all week. We finally decided to stop by on Friday only to find that their faith had been shaken because of a set back with their finances. The marriage was pushed back as well as the baptism.
I was heart-broken as I saw them resort to smoking again to relieve stress. But I knew at that time, what they needed was mercy and encouragement, not reprimanding or condemnation. I felt inspired to be understanding with their relapse. It was actually a lot easier than I thought it would be, perhaps I'm finally seeing what my Heavenly Father sees in me when I continue to do things contrary to His will over and over. Fortunately, He is merciful and His Son's Atonement will always be there for the penitent in heart. I know that I need that kind of mercy and understanding when I fall short. For thus saith the Lord, "I shall lengthen out mine arm unto them from day to day, [and even if] they will deny me; nevertheless, I will be merciful unto them... if they will repent and come unto me; for mine arm is lengthened out all the day long." How sad it is, when we fall and feel like our Heavenly Father has turned His back on us, for that is never the case. Elder West and I came in contact with a less-active lady from the Hanover Ward while we were using the facilities at a gas station. She had a strange haircut and many piercings. She immediately recognized us and informed us that she was drunk. She went on to tell us how much she hated the Church and was so much happier now that she was gone out of it, but insodoing she told us about how she left because her husband betrayed and left her. She told us how frustrated she was with an unanswering God who would not bend to her pleas. She said she spent many days in the temple and hours on her knees but felt nothing. Nothing we said could change her mind, but I wished I could help her to see God's love. Those kind of experiences can shake or shape us. May we choose the latter.
But amidst the darkness, God always opens the windows of heaven, even when it seems a door has closed. Donna's neice Kaitlyn expressed a desire to be baptized and we had one of the most spiritual lessons I've had in a while whilst teaching her the Restoration. We played a fun game with the kids to explain the Apostasy by playing the game "telephone" to illustrate the distortion of the Gospel of Jesus Christ without the careful stewardship of the Apostles. Hopefully we'll be able to prepare her for a date this coming week.
Cheers,
Elder Low
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