Monday July 18th, 2011

It’s kind of funny how your letters follow some kind of a structure. It’s like: Calgary’s weather, response to my letter last week, what’s going on in the ward, what’s going on in the family, quote, forecast. And then my letters are just kind of a response to that. O how predictable we are!

The sum of my week was a huge drama fest; all caused by the emotional wreck that is Elder Low. On Monday I could already tell that I was going to dearly miss Elder Zaleski, he’s been a part of everything I’ve done for the past three months and it was really hard to see him go. Even in the final hours of his missionary work, he refused to give in and be “trunky.” He always made future plans in the week, saying that we would go there and we would teach them, rather than unloading a huge amount of missionary work upon my shoulders by verbally delegating to me alone. In the eight o’clock hour of his last day, our planned investigator canceled on us. I asked Elder Zaleski what he would like to do for the last hour of his mission. He stared at me and shivered, presumably frightened by the very though that his mission would be over. He insisted on praying to God who would reveal to us where we needed to be. We subsequently went to see a part-member less-active family in town, and to our surprise, the nonmember husband confided in us his interests in the Church and how he was wondering if he should call us up. We then magically showed up on his door. We came away from that successful hour with Elder Zaleski very satisfied.

However that did not stop the next couple days from being very hard for me. The day Elder Zaleski was to go to Pittsburgh for transfer meeting, I insisted on listening to a talk by some dude who thinks he understands the Atonement. And while I furiously took notes, what really passed me by were the dwindling sands of time of our companionship. When we pulled into the chapel parking lot of Hollidaysburg, I felt extremely interrupted, only to get out of the car and get a quick hug from him. Then it hit me. He was leaving. I felt like I really wasted the last hour we had together in silence listening to a disc of recorded opinions. Some of his last words to me were “don’t forget to write in your journal,” leading to some of the other Elders present to laugh at his choice of final advice. I felt stupid and frustrated while he got into the car and drove away.

I met my new companion that evening, Elder Lucas. He’s a funny missionary from Kaysville (sp?) Utah, who’s been out for about 19 months. He’s a great missionary, just different than what I was used to. The more time I spent with him, the more I began to pick at his faults silently, comparing him to my previous companion and trainer. Despite all he was, he never really had a chance in my mind. I probably could’ve gotten the best missionary ever and he still wouldn’t compare. It’s kind of embarrassing how judgmental I’ve gotten.

I felt so alone in my area; I had no idea to run Bedford! I even felt unqualified to speak with one of our star investigators, Amie. I desperately wished Elder Zaleski could’ve been there when we talked with her, because something had really changed. During Relief Society last week, she felt very uncomfortable because the topic somehow skewed onto homosexuality. She felt awkward because of the extreme conservative views in the room and got the idea that we shun people who are gay. She was confused and because of that she really started to question the Church – was this something she really wanted to get herself into? I began to realize more and more that Amie was only socially converted to the Church. We went through some basic doctrines and she let out a frightening question to us as we began to read Moroni 10:4-5, and that was “so, the Book of Mormon is the writings of John Smith, right?” My mouth fell open – she sounded like she knew nothing about the Church! How could she get baptized on Tuesday? After answering a lot more of her questions, she decided that she wanted to continue to learn to find out what is true, subsequently postponing there baptism.

Just as I went to write about my defeats in my journal that night, a piece of paper fell out of my journal that hadn’t been there before. I began to open it and realized why Elder Zaleski had told me so specifically to write in my journal – it was a letter from him. In it, he encouraged me to rely on the Lord when things got tough and as long as I would stay on a righteous path, then He will prompt me with what to do. He didn’t tell me that things would go smoothly from now on or that I would like all of my future companions the same, but Elder Zaleski counseled me that sometimes the Lord will expect me to do things that I don’t want to do. Only then would I because a tool in the Lord’s hands.

Those reassuring words really gave me some great closure and allowed me to continue with the work and my new companion. Cassie’s baptism on Saturday still happened and although I think she got flustered at times with my inexperience and disorganization, I think she was genuinely happy the whole baptismal service. Her kids were there, the talks were great, and the members were open and friendly. But perhaps the crown jewel of the day occurred when came over to me after the service and in her dignified, conservative way, she shook my hand and told me, “Thank you… for everything.”

For those of us who feel like the difference we make as missionaries only lasts for the two years we have the tag on, we need to take another good look at the impact we make on these people’s lives. It’s so worth it. Elder Zaleski kept telling everyone before he left that when he gets home, he’ll continue to call, email, and encourage his converts and investigators. Now I heard that little song and dance for about two weeks and I wanted to call his bluff. He simply responded that a mission was more metaphorical than we think. Those people who have a limited vision of God’s plan believe that when we die, we lose our freedom of choice and the purpose of life is over. But we know better. We know that the next life is just as important, if not more opportunistic for our potential. We’re not serving two-year missions. We’re in missionary boot camp right now, and when we go home, we’re thrust into the war.

Elder Low

P.S. Ashton looks so weird! So different and so much more grown-up!

P.P.S. I don’t really know much more about my new mission president than what I told you in my letter last week.

P.P.P.S. If you haven’t already guessed, I wasn’t transferred.

Monday July 11th, 2011

Wow. I feel like a General Authority in that you used some parts of my last letter in your Sunday School lesson, Mom. lol. But I liked what you said about the Book of Revelation. Although Deuteronomy and Revelation both say that you shouldn’t add or take away from those specific books, I’ve also heard somewhere that Revelation wasn’t the last book written in the Bible, but how do I prove that? Is there some kind of dating system I can use? Or scriptures to back that up? I honestly have no idea about the chronology of the Biblical books, especially in the New Testament. It’s all very confusing, especially in comparison to the careful calendar systems expressed in the Book of Mormon.

This week has definitely been a progressive one. Our finding efforts for some reason are in vain right now. It’s been a while since we’ve gotten any new investigators, perhaps meaning that we need to focus more on the ones we have. I don’t know if I’ve told you guys this yet or not, but we have 3 investigators who will all be baptized by next Tuesday. Our longtime Biblical scholar, Cassie, has been working towards it for a while now and although she still has trouble admitting to herself that Joseph Smith is a prophet, she believes the Book of Mormon to be true, so in that sense she’s converted. She came to all three hours of Church yesterday and I’m pretty sure she enjoyed it. Even after she was interviewed for baptism by our new mission president, President Topham, himself. (President Topham is a funny and transparently inexperienced, but he has a very good heart and will grow to be quite the leader in time. Something that’s interesting about him is that he didn’t serve a mission himself, so I wonder how that will affect his decisions…) Our other investigating family, Amie and Leo with their 3 young children, are completely stellar. Although they come from a very minimalistic religious background, they feel as if this is the right thing to do and accept everything we teach them.

Although our investigators are progressing marvelously, that doesn’t stop us from having doubts. It seems that they all have their weaknesses and potential pitfalls for falling away from the Church. Cassie seems to be spiritually converted but not very sociable with other members of the congregation and Amie and Leo seem to be socially converted, very accepting of the Church’s varying programs, but shaky on how much they study the word. Either concern should be settled with that confirming witness from the Holy Ghost that this is God’s true Church. So we thought that what better activity brought the Spirit than the movie “Joseph Smith: The Prophet of the Restoration,” focusing on different points in Joseph Smith’s life and the struggles of the early Saints. Unfortunately, we came to possess two DIFFERENT versions of the movie. One that we showed to Amie and Leo, which was supposedly a better one for investigators by clearly portraying all the doctrines of the early church, and the other which we showed Cassie, was the official version as it was showed in the Joseph Smith Memorial Building in Utah. I can’t even express how terrible the alternate version was. When we showed to Amie and Leo and their young children, we came to realize that not only was this an uninspired compilation of poor quality clips, but that the content was more violent, focusing too much on the persecutions and not enough on the Spirituality of it all. We felt so bad and uncomfortable during that movie with Amie and Leo that we thought they might drop us right there. Thankfully, they’re still relying on their faith and are not letting that bother them. Elder Zaleski then literally destroyed that version of the movie before we showed the official version to Cassie.

Well. This is it. This is my last couple of days with my trainer. It’s weird how fast and slow the whole mission process can feel at different times, and right now, I feel as if these three months have zoomed by. In my “farewell” talk, I expressed that I didn’t know why I entered the MTC at the time I did, why the Lord would delay my mission date for those six weeks. But now I am sure that the purpose of him doing so was so that I could serve with this wonderful missionary, Elder Zaleski. He has been nothing but loving and a Christlike example to me. Even when I was discouraged, angsty, or downright frustrated with the work, he gently pushed me in the right direction, solving all my angers with a humble attitude and a forgiving heart. There was one night in particular that I can remember when I was mad at him for some reason or another, and it was very apparent to Elder Zaleski. Just after our nightly planning, I sat at my desk writing furiously in my journal about how our companionship needed faith and peace in this trying time and he came over and left the phone beside me. A couple seconds later after he had entered our bedroom, the phone rang with a text message from our own phone number. It said “Thank you for all your hard work today. I love ya.” I really do have the best missionary as my companion. It will be so hard to see him leave on Tuesday, but the time we’ve spent together has been immeasurable in how much he has taught me. I still don’t think I can be considered “out of training” yet, but if I can be even close to the missionary Elder Zaleski is, I know I will be successful.

Don’t be surprised to see the name “Elder Alexander L. Zaleski” in the General Conference someday.

Elder Low

P.S. In a way, it’s kind of sad that Bishop and Sister Heninger won’t be there when I get home! Wish them luck for me; they’ve been such a wonderful influence in my youth!

P.P.S. That’s alright to hear that you haven’t sent the package yet. I guess I’ll expect it sometime next week then? ALSO, please make note that this is the beginning of my third transfer in the mission field. It’s extremely likely that it will also be my last in Bedford. So if anybody’s still sending letters to my Bedford address, please start now in just sending them to the mission, who will forward it to any address I’ll be at.

Monday July 4th, 2011

Apparently Independence Day is a bigger deal than I thought it was. It's less of celebrating the commencement of the United States' sovereignty and more about fireworks and alcohol. But hey, whatever. Our new mission president has told us (and this isn't anything new to the missionaries either) that we are to be in our apartments by six o'clock updating area books and such. This is mostly for the intent of our safety, which is understandable. But it means that we pretty much do nothing all P'day. But hey, whatever. (I get to sleeeeeeeep more!)

I was thinking about our Canada Day family reunions in Waterton and I can't help but miss them. Those are some of my most cherished memories of going on paddle boats (after massive amounts of begging to rent one), hitting up the candy shop in Waterton, and getting giant ice cream cones at the Glenwood Cheese Factory. I hope you guys are continuing to build those memories because once those times are over, they're all you really have.

Recently I've experienced quite a bit of controversy concerning the Prophet Joseph Smith and the Marvellous Work that came through him by God. I restarted the Book of Mormon and the Bible a couple of weeks ago and I'm slowly studying it verse by verse, footnote by footnote, trying to internalize every hidden truth spoken by the words of ancient prophets. One of the major points of concern that people had was when Jesus said on the cross "It is finished" (John 19:30), which being interpreted by those incapable of reading beyond what they see in a single verse as "Jesus was the last prophet". This troubled me when people stalemated our conversations with this argument. I kept thinking, "are they right? Jesus did put away the Mosaic Law when he came to the Earth... where do we get off saying that God calls more prophets?" I've searched and I've searched and over time I have begun to build up an opposition for this. It's not perfect and I didn't develop it for the purpose to argue, but for reconciliation within myself, so that I may continue to progress. You can shove all the doctrine you want in the face of those who bash and they will continue to deny it. Heck, people still didn't believe Joseph Smith's translation of the Egyptian Papyrus into the Book of Abraham in the Pearl of Great Price when the record itself was on display in a museum in Chicago. To those people you can only say "dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith" (Ether 12:6). ANYWAYS BACK TO PROPHETS. It's funny because Jesus Christ himself proclaimed that He did not come into the world to destroy the law or the prophets but to fulfil their prophecies (Matthew 5:17) and if that wasn't proof enough I would ask one simple question to myself: why then would Jesus tell us how to discern between a true and false prophet in Matthew 7:15-20 IF HE DID NOT PLAN ON CALLING ANY MORE? God is the same yesterday, today and forever (Hebrews 13:8) and therefore God will continue to do nothing except He revealeth His secrets to His servants the prophets (Amos 3:7). Joseph Smith was called as a Prophet in these Last Days. 1820 was the start of a new era where religious freedom was to be experienced for the first time on Earth. He was called as a boy just like Samuel, David, and Daniel, he was called in a vision like Moses, Ezekiel, and Isaiah, and he was entrusted with one of the greatest fruits that witness that Jesus truly is the Christ of all time, OF ALL TIME. Those who look down on the Book of Mormon haven't read it, those who read it and don't believe it haven't prayed about it, those who have prayed about it and haven't received an answer do not have a real intent of finding out if the book is true (Moroni 10:3-5). 2 Nephi 3 contains a sacred prophecy by Joseph, the same Joseph who was sold into Egypt by his brothers, and it is all about the Prophet Joseph Smith; "A seer shall the Lord my God raise up, who shall be a choice seer unto the fruit of my loins... And his name shall be called after me; and it shall be after the name of his father. And he shall be like unto me; for the thing which the Lord shall bring forth by his hand, by the power of the Lord shall bring my people unto salvation." (2 Nephi 3:6,15). But the crowning prophecy prophesying of the Restoration is one made by Jesus Christ; you see, the prophecy of the coming of Christ made by Moses in Deuteronomy 18:18-22 is contained in all of the standard works (Acts 3:22-25, D&C 133:63, Joseph Smith-History 1:40, 3 Nephi 20:23) and as Jesus unveiled his fulfilment of Moses' prophecy, He made a similar prophecy about Joseph Smith in 3 Nephi 21:9-11 which reads, "For in that day, for my sake shall the Father work a work, which shall be a great and a marvellous work among them; and there shall be among them those who will not believe it, although a man shall declare it unto them. But behold, the life of my servant shall be in my hand; therefore they shall not hurt him although he shall be marred because of them. Yet I will heal him, for I will show unto them that my wisdom is greater than the cunning of the devil." There is no way Joseph Smith could have written the Book of Mormon. No evil man could bring about a book that brings so much good and testifies so much of Christ. And there is absolutely no way that Joseph Smith could've known that he himself would eventually be martyred (or marred as in verse 10) for this marvellous work. But despite all of this evidence, despite all of this truth, I know that Joseph Smith is a prophet because I have prayed about it. I will continue to preach this truth and this doctrine evermore because of the Spirit I have felt while following the Savior's commandment here in Pennsylvania to "feed [His] sheep" (John 21:17).

Smiles.

Elder Low

Monday June 27th, 2011

Oops. Does it not sound like I’m excited about the work I’m doing every week? Junk. Well, be assured that I’m enjoying myself out here in Pennsylvania on my mission. There are off-days and there are days when I know exactly why I’m here.

However right now I feel as if I’m standing still. Everything I’m doing out here seems to be such a slow process and time between visits to investigators seems like ample time for them to be persuaded otherwise by the adversary. Luckily I have God on my side. But still, as I lose myself in this work and check back on what’s going on at home I suddenly find that Benson is a teenager, Chelsie preparing to head off to school, and Dallin’s being somewhat forced to prepare for a mission. I feel like I’m missing so much. This tithe of my life becomes more and more hard to do as I see my path so drastically veer from the path of my family. I feel like such an alien now.

Over here in another dimension the ‘family down the street,’ as they have now been deemed in my letters, are progressing very well. Although we only got to teach Amie once, we received a text from her thanking us for our time and that we could come over anytime – as we were her new “friends.” :) However my life became once again under a jillion pounds of stress as they attended Church yesterday. Don’t get me wrong, I loved seeing them there but what really devastated me was the realization that I can only do so much for my investigators before it becomes imperative that they gain a testimony of this Gospel. Not only were the talks completely focused on genealogy and temple work (which we haven’t taught them yet) but immediately following sacrament meeting they were swarmed by the branch members. UM YEAH WE TOLD YOU WELCOME THEM NOT FREAK EM OUT. I’m sure they felt overwhelmed and a bit confused as they sat with their children in primary the next half hour, which because of the size of our branch, now only has 3 other children in it. We never got a chance to say goodbye to them when they left and I’m so afraid that the meeting scared them off. Missionary work should be renamed to Damage Control. The whole interest for Amie in the Church was the emphasis on families. And I’m afraid that if she doesn’t feel comfortable herself, let alone educating her children there, she might choose to quit investigating. I’m sorry I’m being really dumb now and complaining and ranting but I really care about these people. And I don’t want to lose them.

I know how depressing this letter sounds. I just read over it again and felt an urge to delete it all and just send the words “things are fine,” but I don’t want all that writing to go to waste. Maybe I’ll look back on these letters and laugh. Because it’s not like I don’t have a testimony of the things I’m doing and teaching. Two years is too long to not believe in what you’re doing with all your heart, might, mind, and strength with both feet planted firmly in the midst of the white field.

Elder Low

P.S. Derek wanted me to subtly tell you that he wants to go boating with you guys sometime soon. Yup.

P.P.S. This month has been especially tough for my funds unfortunately. It somehow worked out that we had the same amount of money given to us for 5 shopping days instead of 4. This week I have about ten dollars to spend on food. woooo… Cooking is also a gong show. And I’m literally thinking of sustaining myself on cereal for every meal.