Oops. Does it not sound like I’m excited about the work I’m doing every week? Junk. Well, be assured that I’m enjoying myself out here in Pennsylvania on my mission. There are off-days and there are days when I know exactly why I’m here.
However right now I feel as if I’m standing still. Everything I’m doing out here seems to be such a slow process and time between visits to investigators seems like ample time for them to be persuaded otherwise by the adversary. Luckily I have God on my side. But still, as I lose myself in this work and check back on what’s going on at home I suddenly find that Benson is a teenager, Chelsie preparing to head off to school, and Dallin’s being somewhat forced to prepare for a mission. I feel like I’m missing so much. This tithe of my life becomes more and more hard to do as I see my path so drastically veer from the path of my family. I feel like such an alien now.
Over here in another dimension the ‘family down the street,’ as they have now been deemed in my letters, are progressing very well. Although we only got to teach Amie once, we received a text from her thanking us for our time and that we could come over anytime – as we were her new “friends.” :) However my life became once again under a jillion pounds of stress as they attended Church yesterday. Don’t get me wrong, I loved seeing them there but what really devastated me was the realization that I can only do so much for my investigators before it becomes imperative that they gain a testimony of this Gospel. Not only were the talks completely focused on genealogy and temple work (which we haven’t taught them yet) but immediately following sacrament meeting they were swarmed by the branch members. UM YEAH WE TOLD YOU WELCOME THEM NOT FREAK EM OUT. I’m sure they felt overwhelmed and a bit confused as they sat with their children in primary the next half hour, which because of the size of our branch, now only has 3 other children in it. We never got a chance to say goodbye to them when they left and I’m so afraid that the meeting scared them off. Missionary work should be renamed to Damage Control. The whole interest for Amie in the Church was the emphasis on families. And I’m afraid that if she doesn’t feel comfortable herself, let alone educating her children there, she might choose to quit investigating. I’m sorry I’m being really dumb now and complaining and ranting but I really care about these people. And I don’t want to lose them.
I know how depressing this letter sounds. I just read over it again and felt an urge to delete it all and just send the words “things are fine,” but I don’t want all that writing to go to waste. Maybe I’ll look back on these letters and laugh. Because it’s not like I don’t have a testimony of the things I’m doing and teaching. Two years is too long to not believe in what you’re doing with all your heart, might, mind, and strength with both feet planted firmly in the midst of the white field.
Elder Low
P.S. Derek wanted me to subtly tell you that he wants to go boating with you guys sometime soon. Yup.
P.P.S. This month has been especially tough for my funds unfortunately. It somehow worked out that we had the same amount of money given to us for 5 shopping days instead of 4. This week I have about ten dollars to spend on food. woooo… Cooking is also a gong show. And I’m literally thinking of sustaining myself on cereal for every meal.
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